Funeral Receptions.
CREATING A BEAUTIFUL SPACE TO BOTH MOURN AND CELEBRATE.
Funerals, Memorials, and Thanksgiving Services often have a sense of unreality, with the person at the heart of the occasion being physically absent. They are arguably the ultimate event no one wants to attend, but people move mountains to be present. These gatherings can take us into unfamiliar territory, and so benefit from a helping hand.
I will help you create the space which honours and celebrates the person who has died as well as allowing room for personal and communal grief. Of course this is what the Ceremony or Service seeks to achieve, but I am sure the Reception should do also. My starting point for this is what I would call an abundant table.
There is something magical in that moment when guests walk into a room which has been lovingly thought up and created, and hearts can be seen to rise at the sight of the table with homemade food ready to be enjoyed. There is power in the details that are bespoke and individual. Yes it takes effort (I will carry the load for it) but it is always worth it and adds a depth to the gathering, particularly in the rawness of grief.
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I seek to create a gathering that is beautiful and poignant - and homemade and hosted. Homemade scones, cocktail sausages fresh from the oven served from hollowed out bread, a variety of drinks for guests to choose from. For flowers, I have used silk flowers in the arrangements (that belonged to whose funeral it was), and also taken the flowers from the coffin arrangement to make into bouquets for the guests to take home with them.
I wrote this reflection following my most recent involvement in creating a wake, and I felt it helpful to articulate my vision here:
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Rewind a few years ago, and I found myself chatting with one of my brothers about wanting to get into funerals. He suggested I try do work experience with an Undertaker. I also chatted with Granny about it, and she sweetly said it was a logistical nightmare and much better to stick with weddings where RSVPs are a lot clearer and the lead time a lot longer from a planning perspective.
I ignored both of them. Sorry.
On Saturday I worked with an incredible family, to organise my fourth memorial service wake for their dearest son and brother who died far too young and far too tragically.
These gatherings are a privilege to be involved with. And I’m so grateful to the families who have entrusted me with such raw events.
It’s really bizarre organising an event that no one wants to happen. On the one hand nothing matters because the grief is so awful and the pain so heavy, that decisions about food and flowers pale into insignificance. But on the other hand the details so matter. And it’s this tension that I find it a privilege to carry the load for.
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These events don’t have the glamour and the grammable vibes. But funerals are the ultimate event we will all for sure have one day. Something we try and shy away from.
I find it a gift being able to play a part in making one of the hardest days that bit more beautiful and logistically easier for the family and friends.
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